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Attitude

Here are some of the most common attitudes behind negative thinking with the positive alternative, how many do you fall into. Turn around negative thinking! Change your negative thinking attitudes into positive thinking and achieve greater self-understanding and awareness.

Negative Attitude #1: Do you believe others cause your feelings? Do others "make" you feel guilty about things? Do you feel sad or angry when someone lets you down or upsets you? Do you get angry or feel helpless when you are not in full control of events and things go bad?

Positive Attitude: You create your own feelings and make your own decisions. People and events do not cause feelings, but they can trigger your mental habits. Events that are out of your control should not dictate your feelings. Some years ago, on the 24th July 1987 a friday afternoon I was giving emergency first aid to a young boy who had been knocked down by a car, this required mouth to mouth resuscitation, at the time I was in the army, my best friend was with me, he had been my best man at my wedding and we had been together for nearly 9 years we were as close as brothers. A man approached us in the street, pulled a pistol out of his pocket and shot my friend in the head at point blank range, nobody came to help us and the man just ran off. Both died in my arms that afternoon and I was powerless all I could do was wait for the ambulance to arrive. I let my feelings become anger and I grew bitter, it has taken me 18 years to come to terms with this and realise I could have done nothing to prevent it. I visited my friends grave recently, the first time, I took the press cuttings I had kept all those years and burnt them on the grave, I said a little prayer and left my guilt, anger and every negative emotion there on the grave. I realise I had condemned myself to a life of misery by holding those feelings. No more they are all gone I made the decision to never again allow those events to haunt me or feel guilty that I had lived and he had died and I can talk freely about it now without breaking down in tears. How much misery have you got in our life because you are holding onto something that is not your fault. Find a way to get those feelings out and decide from now on to live your life without the negative thinking.

Negative Attitude #2: Do you hang on to painful memories? Do you dwell on bad feelings to justify your bad mood? If someone doesn't say they are sorry, do you stay mad at that person?

Positive Attitude: The only part of the past that affects you is your present interpretation of it. Only you are in charge of that. Try to interpret these past events in a positive way. Forgiving is helpful and, at times, is necessary to move forward. Don't forget to forgive yourself, too. Re-read number 1 above and ask yourself is it really worth it to stay angry and mad. Did your partner make you angry when you first fell in love with them? Then why allow those feelings to destroy your partnership now, they are the same person you fell in love with back then, they may have just been having a very bad day. Is it really worth the pain, change your thinking and admit to yourself maybe I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time, or maybe your partner believed that they could say those things to get them off their chest without thinking you would condemn them for it.

Negative Attitude #3: Do you talk yourself into believing you can't do certain things or deal with change? Do you frequently hear yourself saying or thinking "I can't"? If you say this often enough, you will soon believe it. It will become a self- fulfilling prophecy and you will feel more powerless and out of control.

Positive Attitude: Believe in yourself and realise that you are a capable person. You have everything within you to achieve whatever it is you desire as long as it is humanly possible. Change your thinking from "I can't" to "I can", you deserve the best you can get but that best is only to the level of your thinking. Make a positive decision to change your "I can't's" to "I can's" whenever you notice them and stop the negative thoughts and soon they will go. There is a saying that goes "If you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right". Change you "I can't's" into "I can's" with visualisation, see your self achieving those think you thought were impossible to you, and as you do this speak to yourself that this is what you want to do. You will find that your belief in the situation changes and you will achieve that which you thought was impossible. When I am at work and I get a particularly difficult problem to either fix or produce from scratch I don't think of it as impossible I start with the thought that somebody has already done this somewhere, so if they can do it then it is not impossible and I can do it too. If I am stuck, then I shout for help from anyone who is around me at the time, their input may be incorrect but they may come up with a possible solution. Never be afraid to ask for someone's advice.

Negative Attitude #4: Are you so conscientious in your self-improvement efforts that you never miss a chance to remind yourself what you should or should not do? "I should have studied more." "I shouldn't have eaten so much."

Positive Attitude: "Should's" don't get the job done. They're just a way of punishing yourself after the fact. Guilt and shame don't produce much action; mostly, they drain your energy and discourage you. If you find yourself saying "I should have done this" then the opportunity has already past you by, it is to late to change the past but learn from it and make the decision to not get caught out like that again. Read the little snippet of my life above in number 1 and think, that guilt and shame lived with me for 18 years, I knew I should do something about it but until recently didn't realise the damage I was causing to myself by not letting go. If you know you have something holding you back then do something about it now, make the decision to change and don't put it off another day. Life is way too short to be weighed down by the guilt of the past, do whatever it is you need to do to get rid of that "I should have" or "I wish I had done that".

Negative Attitude #5: Are you a relentless critic, always finding fault with the way you look and feel or the way others act toward you? Do you nag yourself and others, especially those you care about?

Positive Attitude: Replace criticism with encouragement. Encourage yourself and your friends rather than criticising them. Give a compliment or a pat on the back. Visualise the positive and achieve what you want. Realise that you cannot change another person, especially by being critical, this will only make them worse and amplify the problem. Make adjustments to your thinking, stop critiquing others for not achieving the standard you think they should reach and look towards your achievements first, as you correct those you will find your partner or those you are in conflict with will change their ways as well.

Negative Attitude #6: Do you live your life by what others say to you? Do you take more notice of what your friends say than you do of your own feelings? Do others dictate to you how you should live? Do you allow others to boss and bully you around?

Positive Attitude: See yourself as a complete person in your own right. You have your own mind and the right to use it to think for yourself. If you are being bullied or bossed around then distance yourself from those people. If you pay heed to other peoples advice about the way you should live or what they think is right for you then you are giving up your own free will. You are a human being with the right to your own free will of thinking make your own decision about your own feelings. I had a partner who listened to friends more then her own feelings. They said I wasn't the right person for her and they thought there was something wrong with me, the doubts were in place and they grew. Soon my partner was questioning my love for her and the reasons we were together. I failed to do anything about this, I didn't stop the doubts as soon as I noticed them, I didn't fall onto my knees and swear never ending love to her and soon afterwards the doubts grew to big to overcome and the partnership ended. My love never diminished, my feelings never diminished, my beliefs that we were so right for each other never changed, but I failed to stop them in my partner and those doubts eventually took they toll. Yes I could sit here and say "I should have done ..." but I have to realise I didn't get the job done but I have learnt and will not make that mistake again. I still to this day believe we could have been so right and that is the positive I will keep with me.

Negative Attitude #7: Do you assume you are to blame whenever someone is upset? Do you often ask yourself, "What did I do wrong?" If your roommate or partner is in a bad mood, do you feel responsible for it?

Positive Attitude: The person who is upset "owns" the problem not you it is their responsibility to solve it. Stop apologising and accepting blame. Everyone has the right to have angry feelings, but you don't have to feel guilty. Recognise that relationship conflicts can be healthy, leading to constructive change and deeper understanding. You cannot change another person, you are only responsible for your own feelings and attitude, correct them and leave the other person to correct theirs. If you insist on trying to solve their problem for them, then you are taking away their sense of responsibility, they will eventually become reliant on you to solve all their problems. Give them the chance and time to solve their problems and they will become a better person and grow in stature because of it and also love you all the more for doing so.

Negative Attitude #8: Do you "steal" responsibility from others? Do you feel responsible for the happiness of another person? Do you take on other people's responsibilities, then get angry when they don't appreciate all you've done for them?

Positive Attitude: Stealing responsibility from others only cheats them out of a growing experience. Learning to deal with the consequences of one's behavior is part of being an adult. Seek greater self-responsibility and self-determination. Make some lists to clarify your own needs and wants. Remember, the world has many shoulders to carry it. Realise that you are only responsible for your own responsibilities. As above you are taking the other persons free will away by not allowing them to solve their own problems and issues. When you partner is quiet and maybe doesn't notice you don't get all huffy and puffy about it, they may well be solving an issue in their life, they may not even realise that you are there. Give them space and time and once they have solved the problem don't start nagging them for being quiet. They may well have just resolved something in there own minds that will benefit both them and you in your life together.

Negative Attitude #9: Do you believe that you must do everything perfectly or not at all? Do you sacrifice fun in your life to achieve every goal?

Positive Attitude: Perfection is a high goal to aim for; don't insist on starting there or even arriving there. Do your best and then accept it. You can enhance your life performance and have fun, too. If you set your goals to high and you fail to achieve them you will become disheartened maybe to the extent of giving up. Set your self small easily achievable goals along the way, perfection is only a concept you hold in your mind, others may not see the same thing as perfection.

Negative Attitude #10: Do you interpret events and comments in a negative light? If your friend says "Your hair is looking good today," do you ask yourself "What was wrong with it yesterday?"

Positive Attitude: You do have a choice, so choose a positive interpretation. Accept a compliment as a compliment and not for any other reason! Look at temporary setbacks as opportunities for growth, any setback can be turned around if you wish it to be by simply realigning your thinking. The positive appraisal will help you maintain your energy and give you an improved outlook. Encourage positive self talk from those inner voices, speak to yourself in a positive voice both out loud and when you are quiet from within.

Negative Attitude #11: Do you call yourself stupid if you make a mistake? Do you call yourself a failure if you slip off your diet or skip a test review session? If your mistakes are pointed out to you, do you feel as if you are under attack and become defensive?

Positive Attitude: You're only human, so treat yourself with kindness, not abuse. Allow yourself to make mistakes and then forgive yourself. Move ahead with a positive attitude; take time to laugh at yourself. If you allow others to dictate your feelings then you are allowing them to dictate your life and thinking. Stop as soon as you realise this and change your mind set to one that is positive. You may not live up to someone else's perspective, that's life, lift your own perspective of yourself and never try to get revenge with that person. Turn your resentment and anger into calmness, turn your emotional coldness into warmth and turn rejection into acceptance.

Negative Attitude #12: Are you a compulsive people pleaser? Maybe you need the frequent approval of others and forget to give yourself approval. Do you make sacrifices and then get mad at yourself?

Positive Attitude: Give yourself permission to decide you're doing the best you can. Don't wait to hear it from someone else. Tell yourself you're doing a good job, and ask for encouragement when you need it. Do something extra nice for a very important person -- you!

Negative Attitude #13: Do you motivate yourself with fear? Fear and scare tactics may get your attention, but they won't last long as far as motivation is concerned. You may end up feeling anxious and unhappy.

Positive Attitude: Motivate yourself with choice, not fear. Visualise success and make decisions that fit with that image of success. For instance, picture yourself succeeding at a task and think of the satisfaction and good feelings you'll have when you meet your goals. If you think about failure or have the fear of failure then that is what you will achieve. Whatever it is that you are concentrating on, that is what will materialise.

Negative Attitude #14: Do you believe others owe you something more than you are getting? Do you think the world owes you a few breaks in this life. Do you feel that life should show you some luck and smile sweetly on you for a change?

Positive Attitude: Realise that you have everything inside of you already to live a happy and self contented life without any input from anyone or anything else. In the laws of sowing and reaping you get what you sow. You have to realise that you are where you are today because of the thoughts you have had and dwelt on up to this point. If you want something different you have to do something different. The surest sign of madness is someone who things they can get a different result by doing the same thing all the time. If you dont like where you are or what your circumstances are right now then it is no good doing the same actions and thinking as you have been doing up until now, you will always get the same results.

YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR ATTITUDE IN LIFE.
All of these messages reinforce the fact that you are responsible for yourself. Your happiness (or your misery) depends upon what you tell yourself, how you treat yourself, and how you interpret your world. It's an inside job what you feel and think on the inside will become a self fulfilling prophesy on the outside. It is your decision what attitude you wish to have and portray to the world.